Boundaries get a bad rap. They can be weaponized. Yet after watching them play a huge role in my world recently, I think boundaries may be one of the most powerful and underused communication tools we have.

I ran into a friend. He was fuming.

After burning too many late nights appeasing a difficult client, he snapped at her. It wasn't pretty. He was mad at himself and talking about whether he should switch industries.

Later, two separate clients, both high-achieving women in demanding senior roles, were struggling to stand up new projects without the information or strategic context they needed. They were deflated and questioning whether it was time to move on.

We all have those days, weeks, even months. Yet when I asked each of them whether their current situation felt familiar, they paused and said, "Yes."

We explored the patterns a bit, and over time, they each landed somewhere similar. The right question, for now, wasn't about leaving. It was: What boundary could I set that might reduce friction and protect my energy and outcomes?

I'm no Pollyanna. This isn't a "set boundaries and everything will be fine" thing. The other person may not appreciate them or care. And sometimes a workplace or relationship really is too toxic to stay in. Often, though, we have more control than we think.

And even if we eventually leave, practicing intentional, and sometimes uncomfortable, communication about what works for us lets us operate from a place of strength and choice rather than reactivity.

For my friend, being clear with clients about the hours he's able to work will likely mean better sleep and fewer blowups.

For my clients, it was an internal boundary: they would not kick off new projects without first asking for critical information and trying to align with their boss on the strategic context.

These may sound like rookie challenges. But as we progress in our careers, and in life, we often forget to apply the basics to ourselves.

That goes for me, too. Around the same time, I realized two things in my personal life: what I am willing to carry in a relationship with one friend, and what I am no longer willing to accept in a relationship with another.

Sometimes the next move isn't to stay or go. It's to get clearer about the boundary you might try first.

If you're weighing whether to stay or go, a coaching conversation can help you sort out what to try first. Start with a free 30-minute call.